


when I see stars (that's all they are)

by SwabbieJilly



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: But not today, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, fluff fluff fluff, someday i will write something of substance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 09:03:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7970962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwabbieJilly/pseuds/SwabbieJilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin wakes up at 2AM, and something is odd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when I see stars (that's all they are)

**Author's Note:**

> [Maddie](http://holtzmannerin.tumblr.com) is a fucking gem who proof-reads fanfic while nursing (suspected) mild concussions. Go appreciate her.

Erin Gilbert was not really a heavy sleeper. In the month and a half since she’d started sharing her bed with Jillian Holtzmann, her sleep patterns had been especially irregular. Not just in the fun ways, though.

 

It happened quite often that Holtz would wake up in the middle of the night. The reasons varied, and Erin had adjusted to the change pretty well.

 

Sometimes Holtz would wake with an idea for a new prototype; weapon, tool, or outfit; it didn’t matter. She’d jolt out of bed, turn on all the lights she could reach and have the blueprints sketched out before dawn.

 

There were other times when Holtzmann would have an unsettling dream, usually about something mundane, and be genuinely upset about it. Most people would brush off such dreams without a second thought, but Holtz would wake Erin up to ask for comfort or reassurance in a way that said; ‘I’m mostly joking, but despite appearances I’m also pretty insecure, so regardless of my rational mind all I need right now is for you to tell me we’re ok so I can finally forget about it’. That’s a thing a lot of people do, right?

 

The nights when Holtz woke Erin up with tender kisses and warm touches were always welcome, but usually occurred closer to sunrise.

 

The worst were the nights when Holtzmann never slept. She'd have to wake Erin up when her anxieties would reach a level that surpassed her typical range of self-soothing mechanisms. Those nights were the worst, but also the rarest. Only once since they’ve been dating. And one time before.

 

When Holtzmann did sleep, she slept like the dead. When Erin collapsed into bed one night, Holtzmann (who had retired at an uncharacteristically reasonable hour) didn’t so much as twitch in her sleep.

 

That same night at around 2:15 AM, Erin awoke to the sound of a tap running. She ran her hand over Holtz’s side of the bed and was not surprised to find it vacant. The bathroom light was off, and the flowing water sounded more distant than the en suite anyway. Erin peered past the bedroom door and into the short hallway to find that no other light was on in her apartment. Tracking the noise, she confirmed her suspicion that it was the kitchen sink in use.

 

She did consider going back to sleep, but finding _all_ of the lights off was a bit odd. Holtzmann would not have inconvenienced herself in such a way for the sake of Erin’s anabolic sleep patterns.

 

It was also strange that in her sleep addled state, Holtzmann would have wandered halfway across the apartment for a sink when there was one less than ten feet from Erin’s bed.

 

Erin wondered absently if perhaps her girlfriend was sleepwalking. A brain as active as hers, it would make sense that it would be too stubborn to take a break sometimes. It hadn’t been that long since they started dating, and she already knew that Holtz talked in her sleep. Sleep _walking_ wasn’t much of a leap from there (excuse the pun).

 

Mostly out of curiosity, Erin hauled herself out of bed to investigate this new data point.

 

The glow from the streetlights through her windows was enough to guide her toward the kitchen. When she approached the figure of her girlfriend, she took a long moment to take in the sight, the ambient glow of 2 AM somehow exaggerating the comedy of it all.

 

Donning only a hacked-up t-shirt and a pair of bright orange boyshort-underwear, she was hunched entirely over the kitchen sink. The water was running wide-open, and Holtzmann was taking generous slurps directly from the faucet.

 

Trying her best to look disapprovingly at her girlfriend, Erin flicked on the overhead lights without ceremony and half-scolded, half-giggled, “Jillian Holtzmann, do you have any _idea_ what time it is?”

 

As soon as the lights came on however, Holtzmann pushed herself off of the counter, produced her yellow tinted from seemingly _nowhere_ to shield her eyes, and folded herself against the doors of Erin’s lowest corner cupboard, “Ahh, please don’t do that,” Holtzmann said with an undeniable edge to her voice.

 

Erin was thrown off for about half a second, but bit back a laugh anyway. She complied, killing the lights almost immediately. Once her eyes adjusted to the dark, she did a cursory glance of the kitchen, sensing something was amiss.

 

There was a dry cloth on the counter with her ice cube tray melting nearby, there was an opened bottle of extra strength Advil out and apparently knocked over in the fray, but the most alarming element of the scene was the way Holtzmann’s eyebrows were screwed together and her jaw set very tight.

 

Erin’s slight amusement evaporated immediately and was replaced with concern. She had a sneaking suspicion that she was about to learn a fifth reason why Holtzmann struggled with sleep.

 

“Holtz, are you ok?” Erin’s voice was tender and warm and only a little panicked as she scrambled toward the engineer.

 

“Um. Yep… I mean, well, not _really_. But don’t worry, this just happens sometimes.”

 

Erin was on the floor and snaking her arm around Holtz’s tense shoulders, and pulling her close. Her concern tripled when Holtz’s form remained rigid in the embrace, “Honey you’ve got to tell me what’s wrong.” Erin’s voice came out strained and ragged.

 

“Um, well… Just a headache. With nausea. And photosensitivity. And body aches. Ya know, the ‘uush.”

 

“So _a migraine_ then?”

 

“Yeah. Yup. That’s… yeah. That. A pretty bad one too.”

 

“Why didn’t you take some Advil sooner, babe?” Erin asked, hoping she didn’t sound too reprehensive.

 

“I thought maybe I could sleep it off? But uh, it got really bad and uh.. Woke me up and stuff. Pretty dumb of me, right?” She looked up at Erin briefly, glasses askew, but winced away when the dull light from the window reached her eyes. “Could you be a doll and pull that blind for me, Gilbert?”

 

Erin looked between Holtzmann and the window a few times. She had relaxed a little when supplied with some information, but she realized just how bad it must have been for Holtz if a faded streetlight two buildings down was causing her pain.

 

“Yeah, of course. Hang tight for a minute,” Erin kissed the crown of Holtz’s head and gave her a quick squeeze before pulling away to reach the cord for the blinds. When the room was almost in complete darkness, Erin was on the floor again, “What else can I do?”

 

Holtz shifted slightly in the dark to grab Erin’s hand with both of hers firmly, “There’s not much we can do at this point but wait for the painkillers to kick in,” she answered, audibly straining to sound nonchalant.

 

Erin couldn’t see much in the dark, but it looked as if simply talking was painful for Holtz in this state. She felt a pang of sympathy ring though her chest and echo through her bones. She stroked Holtzmann’s cheek with one hand and laced her fingers through Jillian’s with the other, “Maybe don’t talk, ok hun?”

 

It was silent for a moment and Erin could feel a gentle nod. She kept her hand on Holtz’s cheek and thumbed up and down her jawline providing what she _hoped_ were comforting strokes. She could feel Holtzmann’s muscles ease a little through the shadows.

 

They stayed like that for a while, and Erin was relieved to feel Holtzmann’s body continue to relax little by little while they sat. Eventually Holtzmann was the first to speak, murmuring sleepily, “Ok, I think I’m ready to move now.”

 

“If you’re sure.” Erin however, was skeptical.

 

“Yeah, I think I just need to be somewhere soft right now.”

 

Erin pushed away from her girlfriend, giving her the space she needed to stand while keeping a careful watch over her. Holtz hoisted her arms up on the counter awkwardly and pulled herself up. Erin actually thought Holtzmann might be ok for a minute, but it wasn’t long before the engineer’s knees buckled and Erin threw herself under Holtz to catch her.

 

“ _Jesus_ Holtz! Are you sure you’re ok?”

 

“Couch.”

 

“Right.” Erin half-dragged, half-carried her girlfriend to the nearby couch and the two collapsed together in a heap.

 

Holtz ended up on top of Erin and nuzzled into her chest, “Mmmm. Soft.”

 

“Oh my _god!_ ” Erin laughed breathily, stroking Holtzmann’s hair, “Good to see you still have your humour.

 

“Erin?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Shhh.”

 

“ _Sorry!”_

 

A few more moments passed and Erin, still stroking Jillian’s hair, was resigned to spend the remainder of the night on the couch as a human body pillow.

 

 _There are worse ways to spend a Saturday night_ , she thought absently with a smile. Holtzmann rolled over a bit to look at up at her girlfriend with bleary eyes.

 

“Erin?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Pause.

 

“Could you rub my temples?” It was almost a whine.

 

“W-what?”

 

“Well, it helps a lot when it gets this bad. But if you don’t want to-”

 

“No! No, I mean _of course_ I will.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, definitely. Anything to help.” She truly meant it, too.

 

Erin’s hands shifted away from Holtzmann’s golden locks, and she ran her index fingers along Holtz’s scalp gingerly. Right where her hairline ended on both sides, Erin applied gentle pressure with the pads of her fingers. She massaged slow and even, taking care not to press too hard on Holtzmann’s already tender head.

 

“Is that ok?”

 

Holtz couldn’t suppress the moan of pleasure that escaped her lips anymore than Erin could control the way her cheeks burned at the sound of it.

 

Erin swallowed hard, “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then?”

 

Any tension that may have remained in Holtz’s muscles dissolved immediately, and she practically melted into Erin.

 

“Perfect. Keep going.”

 

Erin bit her bottom lip hard at the familiarity of _that_ particular phrase, “You know Holtz if you weren’t in so much pain right now-”

 

“Are you seriously hitting on me right now, Gilbert?”

 

“You can’t seriously expect me to _not_ be turned on when you make noises like that, can you?”

 

“No, don’t get me wrong, I am flattered. But isn’t it my job to hit on _you_ at inappropriate times?”

 

“I like to think our relationship has evolved quite a bit recently and that…” As she was talking, Erin had unconsciously removed her hands from Holtz’s head to gesture redundantly in the darkened room. Erin didn’t realize the ramifications of this until she felt Holtz tense up and wince at every word.

 

“Ohmygosh, Holtz I’m sorry!” She hastily placed her fingers back to the sides of her girlfriend’s head and massaged in jerky, frantic motions until she found the soothing rhythm again.

 

Holtz eased once more, and- still rubbing- Erin leaned over and kissed Holtzmann’s forehead, “I’m sorry, babe.” It was barely a whisper.

 

“S’ok,” was the groggy reply, “I’ll try to keep my sexual appeal to a minimum.”

 

Erin was smiling against Holtz head, “Good.”

 

Beat.

 

“I am _so_ gonna make this up to you, Erin,” Holtz slurred, struggling to keep her eyes open, “You just wait-”

 

It was Erin’s turn to wince. She knew Holtz’s bravado was distracting her from sleeping, “Shhh, just rest.”

 

“Ifyousayso,” it was jumbled together in an exhausted drawl.

 

Erin watched the gentle rise and fall of Holtzmann’s chest even out and deepen, struggling to keep her own eyes open as she continued to massage. A twitch, a sigh, and Holtzmann was mercifully out.

 

She continued rubbing her girlfriend’s temples a minute or two longer for good measure and, when she was satisfied that Holtz was _really_ asleep, Erin slouched down on the couch so she was a little bit more horizontal.

 

As she shifted, Holtzmann groaned and Erin froze; terrified that her movements woke the engineer.

 

It wasn’t long before she recognized Holtzmann’s flat, vacant, tone as sleep talk. It was quiet and muffled, and Erin really had to strain to hear the barely audible mutterings.

 

She couldn’t be sure exactly, but Erin thought she heard something along the lines of, _“I don’t care what anyone says; I love her, so give Erin the panda back, Clooney.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from Fun.'s "Some Nights", which i had stuck in my head the entire time while writing this. Also: did I reference my other fic while writing this? maybe. sorry not sorry.
> 
> eta: check out [this picture](http://lil-peanutt.tumblr.com/post/150888132891/what-no-i-didnt-draw-a-picture-from-my-own#notes) i drew for the fic!


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